Mother’s Day Following Divorce
The chaos of divorce even seeps into the seemingly simple Mother’s Day celebration.
You may find yourself feeling under appreciated, alone or forgotten. One mother to another--it sucks! Maybe our kids are too young and our spouse used to help them make it a special day? Or maybe the kids are resentful of the situation in our household which is out of their control. Maybe they're older and don't want to celebrate with us the way they used to? How can we get past the Hallmark Holiday and feel good Monday, May 9?
We have a few tips to cope with Mother's Day as a newly divorced mom
Do something special for yourself?
Bubble bath, mani-pedi, or even a NAP! Spend the day being selfish and enjoying the Me time. Remember, it isn't very often that we get un-interrupted me time. Light a candle, enjoy a beverage of choice and turn off the screens. Simply revel in the quiet.
Concentrate on your own Mother, even if she's no longer in your life.
You can spend a few moments in meditation thinking about her. If she lives far away facetime with her. Send her a handwritten note. Is she in driving distance? Make plans to spend the day together and plan a day for your own Mom.
Do something nice for a fellow single Mom.
Her kids may be more willing to talk to you than to her. Why not help them plan a nice day for their Mom. You could assist them in the kitchen or making home-made cards. Take them shopping to pick out something you know your friend would enjoy.
We started the tradition of going to see a movie every year. My children were given a budget of money each could spend at the concession stand to buy themselves and me a snack. One fellow single parent I know plants a new tree each year. I know Mom's who choose to take the kids to a new state or national park close to home. It really doesn't matter how big or how small; it is the act of creating something new with your kids that is enjoyable for everyone and makes the day one that everyone looks forward to celebrating together. Don't forget to bring them into the conversation and planning of this new family activity.
Set a good example for Father's Day in June
Help your children to make Father's Day special to your ex. It demonstrates to your children that you will both still be in their lives. That you both love them, even if you no longer love one another. AND it is a nice gesture that will go a long way for you for Mother's Day next year by reminding you ex to help your children remember you in the future.
Perhaps the most important tip is to be flexible. Like everything else with divorce flexibility is the name of the game. Don't put any extra pressure on your children. You can celebrate Mom's Day any day of the year to accommodate complicated schedules. Creative thinking and flexibility demonstrate your ability (and theirs too) to get to other side. It creates resiliency for everyone involved.